Chosen

I gave everything

to be one of the chosen

maybe that's why 

sometimes I feel like

I've got nothing left

but what if I didn't 

give it everything I had

that would bother me

reliving each failure 

wondering what else

I could've done

knowing that I wasn't 

the best version of myself

I tried to improve

hoping for another chance

only to see those chances

go to the chosen 

what I wouldn't give

to be one of the chosen

now I'm trying to figure out

if I've learned my lesson

best version 

worst version 

does it really matter

maybe all I have to do

is what I should've done

from the start

choose myself

and see what happens

nothing's guaranteed

but if I choose myself

I'll always be one of one

© 2021

L.O.V.E. Notes: Meteor

Lost in space

feeling out of place

how's that possible

when you're a star

maybe you don't 

feel like yourself

like you don't shine as 

bright as the rest of them

competing for light

doesn't seem right

so you'd rather fall

than compete at all

and that troubles you

but the scariest part 

is not knowing 

where you'll land

or if you'll be able

to find your way

one day

<3

© 2021

But Now

My mind

once balanced

disciplined 

free

but now

tired

helpless 

disjointed

what happened 

everything 

nothing

I failed 

miserably

like always

I'm disappointed

heartbroken 

fed up

one question

why not me

same answer

no answer

my mind

once balanced

disciplined

free

but now 

defeated

lifeless

numb

is this it

the end

let's hope not

© 2021

Onlooker

Imagine Life

like a parade

watching people

you've never met

hoping one day

maybe you would

only to have them 

pass you by 

now imagine

the very same thing

only difference is

you know everyone

who passes by

and they know you

but there you are

praying to God

they've forgotten 

who you were

so that when

or if you ever

see each other again

it'll be like meeting

for the first time

because the last time

was the last time

how sad is that

apparently

not as sad as

believing you're

undeserving of

ever meeting 

someone new

© 2021

L.O.V.E. Notes: Self-Harm

If you say 

hurtful things

about yourself

be careful

once you believe

in what's been said

everyone else

will have no choice 

but to take you

at your word

<3

© 2021

L.O.V.E. Notes: Self-Care

If you woke up 

hoping to make 

someone smile

look in the mirror

there's a smile

waiting for you

<3

© 2021

Honest Pride

For a short while

I lived among you

things happened

pride refused help

not that many offered

to help anyway 

you tell yourself

it's only temporary

and for me it was

but temporary

felt like an eternity

whether is was a car

an abandoned house

or the streets

I've been there

and the same pride

that refused help

became an ally

a very dangerous ally

one that recognized

how strong 

I needed to be

but circumstances 

differ for everyone

it's not only addiction

and mental health

other reasons exist

not everyone survives 

certainly not

without help

pride will tell you that

if it's truly an ally

© 2021

Bury Them II

Ever since I told myself 

to bury those thoughts

more thoughts have surfaced

I knew it wouldn't be easy

but you knew that too

sometimes it's easy to forget

that I'm not the only one

going through this 

I can only imagine 

the damage your thoughts

have caused you 

over the years

your mind is a cemetery

just like mine

maybe you haven't been able 

to put those thoughts down

in the ground either

and cover them with dirt

maybe you're just there 

laying motionless 

paralyzed from all the hurt

but remember this 

if you've been down before

then you know a thing or two

about getting back up

not all nightmares are the same

but I doubt either of us 

wish to keep reliving them 

so any thoughts you may have

bury them too

and rise from that grave

you dug for yourself

© 2021

Ya No

Cuando miro al cielo
la luna brilla
pero no estoy seguro
si brilla para mi 
no como antes
la energía es diferente

ya no me siento digno

me siento como una sombra

en presencia de la luz

solía estar entre las estrellas

qué pasó
tal vez el universo
ha perdido la fe en mi
después de todos estos años

quizás estaba equivocado

y ya no soy su favorito

he visto lo que traen 

las nubes oscuras 

he sobrevivido a sus tormentas

cada gota de lluvia

era un recuerdo de mi pasado

tantas lágrimas

casi me ahogo 

pero ya no lloro

no como antes

si la luna no me brilla

puedo esperar hasta mañana

cuando sale el sol

© 2021

Narrative

I was so terrified of you

when we first met

but I couldn't look away

you had my attention

I never knew someone 

like you even existed

but there you were

I learned very quickly  

that when you speak

people listen 

you don't care if 

anyone has anything

negative to say about you

because they wouldn't dare

say it to you directly

knowing what would happen

but it doesn't matter

you trust very few people

for that very reason 

and I don't know

how I became trustworthy

but I'm grateful for you

even though there are days

when you hate it here

I love you for every single 

one of those days 

that you keep fighting 

it's okay to feel weak at times

but here you are 

still writing your story

and I'm here for it all 

not just a couple of pages

© 2021

 

Gratitude

I remember being mocked

for trying to rebuild 

being made to feel bad

for trying to heal

only to end up feeling worse

than when I started 

running on autopilot 

ignoring the pain

how naïve I was to think 

that I was actually okay

but I never healed 

when my brother was killed

the only thing I built 

were walls to keep me away

from anyone claiming 

to be friends

or offering friendship

I didn't trust a soul

and I could no longer ignore 

everything I was feeling

that feels like a lifetime ago 

but sometimes I wonder 

if I'm still on autopilot 

never having fully healed 

watching every opportunity

slip away faster than the next

that feeling of failure

I do remember being mocked

but now there's no one around

except the ones who 

still believe in me

thank you for that

© 2021

I Would Say To Myself

Stay strong

love always

be your own hero

have the courage 

of your convictions

but know that you can

only help someone 

save themselves

purpose has a price

one you may be unable to pay

until you're ready

that's if you're ever ready

it's okay to need more time

and for once in your life

know that you are worthy

don't let anyone 

make you feel otherwise

people change every day 

that doesn't mean they grow

so when they change

make sure you grow

and keep going

it doesn't matter 

how many ghosted you 

or who wasn't there 

focus on the now 

whether you have friends 

and still feel alone 

or you're on your own

you still have you

that will be enough

because it has to be 

© 2021

Reasons

Let's be honest

everyone's done it

I know I have 

both regrettably

and unapologetically      

so when it happens to me

no matter how much it hurts

I must not interfere

because I understand

that people have to do

what they feel is necessary 

for them to reach their goals

even if that means 

sacrificing a friendship

or distancing yourself

from those who you feel

do more harm than good

imagine someone like me

who loves helping others

being ghosted for reasons

I'll never even know

maybe I did something

didn't do something

or maybe it was just Karma

whatever the reasons are

I know time is limited

and it waits for no one

so just be ready to move on

no matter how much it hurts

because someone can

move on from you

let's be honest

everyone's done it

I know I have

© 2021

That's Why

He remembers her 

and that's why she's changed

from the way she styles her hair 

to the way she wears her smile 

nothing about her is the same 

except for the fact that 

she's a woman of many talents 

but she refuses to waste them

or her time ever again 

especially on someone like him

he's not the only one who remembers 

she remembers too

and that's why she's changed

the woman she was 

isn't the woman she wanted to be

at least not completely

but he'll never meet 

the woman she'll become

unless he becomes something else 

something greater

because she hasn't forgotten 

how she was treated 

when she felt like dying

and that's why she's changed 

not everyone feels

as amazing as they are

but she's working on

knowing that she is that amazing 

so he can have his memories

of how she used to be 

but letting the past die

is how she lives for today

© 2021

Part II

It's not easy though

being the face of a revolution

the things I see

on a daily basis

make me question

if this world is worth saving

and if I can help save it

from those who

look like me 

but look to destroy

rather than help rebuild

how long do I keep fighting

there's just so much stupidity 

so much willful ignorance 

maybe I should just

stay focused on 

my own personal growth 

in hopes of inspiring 

others to do the same

at least then it would

feel like there's hope

I shouldn't have expectations 

they only mean to disappoint

and I've been disappointed before

probably will be again

is that reason enough to quit

not after all I've been through

but I have those moments

when I look to the sky

hoping the energy of 

the universe still favors me

I really do hope so

because I need that 

more than ever

it's exhausting down here

humanity is exhausting

© 2021

Unscripted

I used to care what

you thought of me 

when you saw my scars

the look of disgust

spoke volumes

and I would look at you

unbothered 

now you only see my face

but the look is still there

either you don't care enough

to take the time to know

or it's just easier to assume

so it doesn't really matter

I still stand here

unapologetic 

but I get it now

you're so fixated on my face

that you have no idea 

what you're looking at 

people have been trying 

to figure me out for years

some have tried to silence me

for speaking on injustices 

others only mention

to appear interested

but here I am 

unafraid

fighting for peace

while refusing to keep quiet

and since you're still so 

fixated on my face 

let me introduce you to

the face of a revolution

unyielding 

and I still don't care

what you think of me 

© 2021

Cost of Living

I had to die

but not on the inside

at least not completely 

that was my biggest fear

after everything

dying completely 

without knowing 

if I could feel 

the way I once felt

but now I know

I accept it 

forever grateful 

just for the opportunity

to feel something real 

not everyone can say that

but what's next 

there's no rebuilding 

no second chances 

for the third time 

my happiness lies in 

helping others feel

I just hope they don't make 

the same mistakes I did 

maybe this is why 

a part of us has to die 

so that we discover 

who we're truly meant to be 

but all I found was  

a pain that I wouldn't 

wish on anyone 

I guess it's the price I paid 

for expensive taste 

© 2021

Toxic Positivity

Many have a fear of failure

and they give in to that fear

by telling themselves

failure is not an option

when not only is it an option 

it plays a part in the success

and growth of an individual 

I myself wasn't trying to fail

but I accept that fact that I did

there's nothing wrong with 

validating those feelings

knowing that you're just 

being honest with yourself

it's not about being negative

bad things happen to us all

we're told not to think about it

or just try to stay positive 

sometimes we tell ourselves that

rather than describing

what it is we're feeling

to someone who's listening

and may actually understand

were we're coming from 

how long can we deny the truth

especially when it's our truth

clichés don't do it for me anymore

that's not being negative

dismissing what we truly feel

that's what really hurts us

maybe we don't fear failure 

as much as we fear embracing

ourselves completely

© 2021

Lo Que Soy

I'm a ghost 

disguised as an angel

but also an angel

disguised as a dream

I offer light

by helping people 

see in themselves

what has always been there

all while being haunted 

by a reality

I refuse to fully accept 

not when my passion

my energy 

and my fire burns as

bright as it ever has

maybe it's all for nothing

or maybe it's the only way 

this ghost can find peace

on the other side

by helping people

I can't change who I am 

whether I'm a ghost 

an angel 

or even a dream

© 2021

Bury Them

Nightmares 

enemies of my dreams

antagonists of sleep 

keeping thoughts of the past

relevant in the present

crippling my chances

of a better future

because when I wake up

I remember everything

the rejections

how they made me feel

and how I feel now

being told things like

please don't like me

I don't do relationships

or I can't trust you romantically 

it's not worth the risk

not this time

and that's not counting

those who've ghosted me

maybe they're right 

I'm not worth the risk

but regardless of that

I have to take those thoughts

and bury them deep 

lay them to rest 

so that I can be at peace

it's the only way

because if I don't bury them

they'll most certainly bury me

cause of death 

nightmares

© 2021

Just Like (Ever After II)

You used to believe

just like I did

maybe you still do

and there's a part

of you that hopes things 

will be better next time

but maybe there's another

part of you that knows

what happened last time

could happen again

that's what scares me

because I was unworthy

and I had the opportunity

to live happily ever after

only to cause her pain

I never meant for her to feel

just like he did to you

maybe he didn't value himself

enough to know your worth

so I wouldn't blame you 

if you didn't try again

but you deserve it

your happily ever after

just like she does

that's why she chose herself

and I now sit alone

if there's any part of you 

that still believes 

choose yourself first

but don't it could cost you 

everything you've ever loved

just like it did me

© 2021