L.O.V.E. Notes: Memento

I remember getting lost in your eyes
finding my way to your lips
crossing paths with your neck
in an attempt to steal your heart
only I didn't have to steal it
it was given to me
and I didn't take good care of it 
so I gave it back
thinking it was mine to give away
I couldn't have been more wrong
now it belongs to another
I'll always feel connected
but I know it's in better hands
and all I'm left with are memories 
the memories of getting lost in your eyes
finding my way to your lips
crossing paths with your neck
in an attempt to steal your heart
there will never be another like it
so make sure to keep it away from me

<3

© 2017

Last Ride

I feel like an old addict
back on the road to recovery 
only the landscape has changed a bit
the road doesn't look the same 
previously I took every sign I saw as a sign
to detour around anything that made sense
so now I've chosen to pull over to the side
hoping to collect my thoughts
wondering if this is where the rest stop
and the dead end
it's not that I lack direction really
maybe I just shouldn't think negatively
not if I stand any chance at all 
because this time isn't like the last time
or the time before that
I don't want to come off as paranoid
but I think this may be my last ride
meaning it's my last chance to get it right
before there's nothing left of me
the engine's still running
so as long as I'm behind the wheel
I have what it takes to make it there
that's why it's called drive
and that's how I'll reach my destination

© 2017

Forever Asking

Am I good enough

that always seems to be the question 

even though I've answered it already 

but it's a question I only ask myself 

no one would dare ask me that 

or tell me that I'm not good enough 

so then why do I dare to ask 

or continue to bring it up 

maybe I don't believe my answer 

at least not as often as I should 

I've always been my harshest critic

any time anyone says anything to me 

I have to say it back to myself 

while making it sound twice as bad

I let it consume me mentally 

draining me of all my energy

if I'm always thinking the worst

how can I expect to be my best 

my mindset must be everything 
that I believe myself to be 
so I must keep believing in myself
for my light to shine completely 
but if I don't feel truly good enough
I'll always find comfort in the shadows

© 2017

No More

This sounds like a broken record

instead of our favorite song on repeat

we're supposed to make each other better

but how can we do that

when we spend so much time apologizing

letting our imperfections speak for us

rather than letting our effort tell the story

of how we were once fighters

now we're more discouraged than anything
trying our hardest not to be in the way
all while walking on eggshells

but we cannot give up hope
we cannot stop trying to grow together
no more than we can as individuals

that's what's going to make us better
we also need more conversations like this
so we can learn to communicate effectively
otherwise we'll keep acting how we act
which will create even more arguments
that could actually be avoided
if we acknowledge our differences
but learn from them accordingly 
so let's stop apologizing to one another 
and make the world sorry for doubting us

© 2017

Dear Self

What can I possibly tell you

that you don't already know

or haven't already seen before
although you haven't seen everything
you've definitely seen enough
maybe I should've prepared you
I could've said something
anything to warn you of what was coming

but I guess it's too late now 

it's hard to say much of anything 

with everything you've been through

you had to learn the harsh realities 
like how everyone has their own truth 
or how some facts are now fake news
how about people wearing multiple masks
to disguise their hatred for you
and their ignorance of what's going on
with God loving words of encouragement
but despite all of the negativity  
you've managed to remain positive
even finding like-minded people 
who share your purpose of helping others
and that inspires me to keep doing this
it inspires me to keep being you

© 2017

Hiatus

They always ask where you are
it's a common mistake people make
asking without thinking to look for you
maybe it wouldn't matter much anyway
because even in plain sight
they still can't seem to find you
which kind of makes you wonder
do they really know where to look
or are they just looking for information
where you are is obvious
but the real question is why
why do you keep going back there
are you trying to hide
that's what they believe you're doing
hiding from the world 
you've certainly done it before
it's safe to assume you would again
just not this time
so why go back to the darkness
because darkness makes light visible
and sometimes you need to know
how bright you shine in the darkness
before stepping back into the light

© 2017

Starseed

I just want to fit in
but how can I fit in
I'm a supreme being
neither man nor woman
comprised of light
born from the universe
look at how people treat me
they call me crazy
but I'm not crazy
I have abilities
and I don't deny them
like others do
I embrace them
to better myself
still people call me crazy
but I'm not crazy
I'm a supreme being
neither man nor woman
comprised of light
born from the universe
I've never fit in down here
but this is still my home
and my home needs healers
so I'm here to help heal

© 2017

L.O.V.E. Notes: Prayer

Some people don't do it 
they find it to be a waste of time 
clasping your hands together 
head tilted up high
with your eyes closed 
talking to the sky 
asking for a miracle
why would anyone do that 
they must be fools 
because only fools pray 
or maybe they're just believers 
left with no other options 
but to imagine greater 
what about the ones who do it 
and then just sit there 
expecting the miracle to happen 
without putting in any work 
those are the real fools
even when you imagine greater
you still must believe in yourself
so stop focusing on your religion
and focus more on your relationship

<3

© 2017

The Unmasking

Where is your confidence
you should be looking for it
but you rather wonder than wander
what has you so scared
that you're afraid to find yourself
maybe it's what you would find
that scares you the most 
everyone wears a mask
don't be afraid of yours 
it has kept you hidden for so long
you've been dying on the inside
wanting so desperately to live
but fighting just to exist
if you only knew your worth

you wouldn't sell yourself short

those who've paid the price

have learned to accept change

so obviously you have some sense

even if it doesn't quite add up yet
this is your opportunity
you may not get another one
become who you're supposed to be
not who they want to see you become
only then will you know who's who

© 2017

Her II

Who are we to judge her
no one gave us that right
how do we know everything about her 
when no one gave us that sight
she may be trying to find her confidence
while holding on to her sanity
but we just make fun of her
and call her out in the name of vanity
when we see a million photos of her
only then do we seem to care
maybe she's trying to capture something
she isn't sure is really there
if we're so quick to throw shade
why do we claim to be so bright 
did we forget what it was like 
when we couldn't see our own light 
some of us still don't know our worth
we're just trying to figure it out
but if we judge her for doing the same
then what's it really all about
maybe if we encouraged her more
instead of always putting her down
she would believe that she's a queen
truly worthy of her crown

© 2017

Rise And Shine

From the time you wake up
to the time you go back to sleep 
someone is praying for your downfall 
they don't even want to hear your name
so they don't want to know you're up 
getting ready to start your day
because they know once you get started 
it will be difficult to stop you
nobody wants to stand on the tracks
when the train is coming through 
especially when you're moving 
at the speed of a locomotive 
so if they can derail you in any way
they must do it as quickly as possible 
but they've failed to recognize one thing 
you already had the momentum
the moment you woke up
and the more effort you put out
will increase that momentum
allowing you to get much needed rest
so let them keep praying 
as long as your level of effort 
exceeds their level of hatred 
their prayers will never be answered

© 2017

L.O.V.E. Notes: Wishful Thinking

You expect them to cheer for you
there's no reason why they shouldn't
and while they do cheer 
it's just not as loud as it could be
they much rather try to stop your drive
by taking the keys out of the ignition
hoping you take your foot off the gas
they also love to say you're weak
just because you suffer from anxiety
not knowing how that affects you
that's not the kind of support you want
but if you want to know the truth
anxiety always attacks the strongest
giving them the illusion of being weak
so who are the weak ones really
there's another truth you should know
it doesn't matter if they cheer
because if it isn't their loudest
then they might as well be quiet
but that's probably not going to happen

<3

© 2017

What's Done Is Done

What did you do to them
you must have done something
for them to be so focused on you
they won't stop talking about you
every chance they get is an opportunity
to speak on you in a negative way
you think they would be tired by now
but they seem intent on stopping you
from achieving success in all that you do
they want you to lose faith in yourself
so that you simply just give up
making you much easier to control
but that's not the worst part

these are people who claim to love you
just as they were the last time
remember when they supported you
and tried to hurt you at the same time

while you were giving your best effort
that's what really hurts the most
when the people in your corner
feel threatened by your ambition
but you're trying to be a better you
so whatever that's doing to them
has nothing to do with you

© 2017

Keep Telling Yourself

This is not why you survived
it wasn't so you could keep getting abused
by those who still believe you to be weak
or by those who claim to love you
it's obvious you're still hurting
the pain just doesn't go away overnight
and they knew it wouldn't 
so they tried to get to you
they tried to back you into a corner
knowing you barely escaped the first time
making you question how ready you were
but you know how hard it is to grow
when everyone around tries to change you
that's why you couldn't hide forever
just like you can't hide those scars
or the memories of how they came to be
remember why you survived
it was for a chance at Life
the chance to live the life you imagined
without feeling like you made a mistake
you didn't make a mistake by the way
it was the best decision you've ever made
but if you let them have their way again 
maybe there won't be a next time

© 2017

Rearview

They say you never know where you're going

until you first know where you've been

but that doesn't mean you have to look back

and you're always looking back

when everything you need is in front of you

no one's telling you to forget what's happened

it's not even possible to do so anyway

you don't forget those who've turned on you

or those who said you were out of your mind

for wanting to be something better

you don't forget the ones who laughed at you

not when you use them as fuel to keep going

but do you really need them to keep going

isn't it your drive that keeps you striving for more

so why give credit to the undeserving 

once the light inside of you was discovered

you were unstoppable from that point on

just telling people that they were wrong 

won't be nearly as satisfying as showing them

maybe that's why you keep looking back

you want to make sure they can see everything

but the only person you need to see is yourself

who else is going to help you get there

the only person who can stop you of course

© 2017

L.O.V.E. Notes: Beautiful Disaster

What will become of you
can you answer that question
or are you still undecided 
and uninvited to the party 
where your ideas get together
to share their thoughts 
on what they really think of you
some would see that as taboo
but that's the way your mind works
it loves to trick you
make you question everything
without providing a single answer
so that you obsess over it
instead of getting over it
you take comfort in the pain 
while the agony drives you insane
and that's when you self-destruct
from overthinking too much
so unless you crash the party
all anyone will ever see is fireworks

<3

© 2017 

Endure

The truth is

people are truly suffering

that's nothing new

but turn on the news

and what do we see

lives lost

killed by Harvey

homes destroyed

people forced to rebuild

and start over

while we sit here

feeling sorry for ourselves

complaining

afraid to rebuild

believing life is over

taking air for granted

without checking our pulse

or putting our hand over our hearts

not to pledge allegiance 

but to prove a point

the truth is

people are truly suffering

but if their hearts still beat

there's no storm they can't weather

© 2017

Now (Again)

How many times have you been here
it seems like too many to count
but here you are yet again
second guessing yourself
wondering what you're truly capable of
can you do the things you say you can do
and will you really do those things 
or are you simply all talk
and nothing more than wasted potential
if you want to know the truth
you're too old to be wasting potential
time waits for no one
so don't expect it to wait for you
especially when you're sitting here
second guessing yourself
wondering what you're truly capable of
there's more to you than this 
but you're afraid to make a decision
the one that'll probably change everything
so if you don't make that decision now
that decision will be made for you
and everything will change no matter what 
this is the second chance that you asked for
don't blow it by second guessing yourself

© 2017

Entre Nosotros

Sé lo que prometimos
que no habría secretos entre nosotros
pero si tenemos secretos juntos
debemos guardarlos entre nosotros
las cosas que nos gustan hacer juntos
con nuestros labios
nuestros manos
y nuestros cuerpos 
o la manera que sentimos cuando..
es perfectamente sana
asi que no estamos avergonzados
pero hay gente que siempre nos juzgará
llamándonos pervitidos
todos tienen un fetiche
pero no se hablan de eso
todo ese placer
y todo esa excitacíon
se quedan en la cama
en un cuarto 
llena de varios juguetes
pero no hablemos de eso
vamos a mostrarnos ahora mismo
lo bueno que somos
guardando un secreto entre nosotros

© 2017

Visual Lies

You have trust issues
is that why your eyes are closed
did they deceive you yet again
by seeing what they wanted you to see
rather than what was really there
maybe that's why you're having trouble
you can't see where you should be
or who you should be
because all you see is misery
everything that went wrong before
and everything that could go wrong again
that's why your eyes are closed
it's understandable 
given everything that's happened 
so just keep them closed for now
at least until things look a little better
the way you imagined they would be
misery doesn't have to be all you see
because it's not all that's there
if you have trust issues
start by trusting yourself
and stop trying to sabotage your vision
don't let your eyes play you for a fool
but don't let them play the fool either

© 2017

SMS

I haven't said much of anything
aside from a few text messages
you haven't responded though
or maybe no response is the response
and I'm just not getting the message
but I don't like to read into anything
so maybe I'll wait to hear from you
how does that sound
it doesn't sound healthy
but what do you expect
you were my immune system 
so how can I be healthy 
when being without you 
makes me sick to my stomach
how can I fight infection 
without your protection 
maybe it's just my gut feeling
telling me I've made a mistake 
knowing what was at stake
now I feel so ashamed
too ashamed to say anything
aside from a few text messages
you haven't responded still
but I keep hoping one day you will

© 2017 

Extraños

Cuando éramos extraños
la vida era mucho más fácil
no había ninguna presión
sin expectativas
o ninguna razón para estar nervioso
éramos quienes éramos
nuestra forma más pura
pero todo eso cambiaba
cuando nos hacíamos conocidos
luego asociados
y amigos después
teníamos muchas cosas en común
pero ahora había mucha presión
muchas expectativas
y mucho nerviosismo
estábamos incómodos
más de lo que nos hubiera gustado
queríamos deseparecer
empezabamos a distanciarnos
así que sentimientos eran heridos
mientras que no todo era malo
la vida era más fácil antes
quizás somos mejores como extraños
pero nos extrañaré como amigos


© 2017

Last Stop

Things don't always go your way
and no one knows that better than you
it makes you wonder what you're doing wrong
even if you haven't done anything wrong
yet there's still a part of you that wonders
what you can do to make it work in your favor
because you're tired of feeling like this
undeserving of any of your own blessings
as if somehow you've failed 
but you haven't failed at all
there's a lesson to be learned here
while things don't always go your way
it doesn't always signify failure on your part
maybe you put too much pressure on yourself
and that's why it hasn't worked out so well
but that doesn't mean you stop trying
so what if it's not how you want to get there
if you're going in the direction you need to go
at least you can say you're still on your way
you can be mad at how it takes you
just know that it's not your last stop
things don't always go your way
but you should find out which way they go
so you can see them through

© 2017

Ese Momento

Aveces me pregunto
si ese momento ha pasado
me encantaría saber
porque si lo hiciera
me gustaría volver
y vivir en ese momento
sólo una vez más
fue espontáneo
como algo de una película
pero no tan cursi
cada vez que lo pienso
es fácil perderme
porque fue todo
sabes el mejor parte
mi ansiedad no me avergonzó
no arruinó ese momento
estoy muy agredecido por eso
hubo una poca torpeza
o tal vez mucha
pero fue aceptada
nada arruinaría ese momento
así que me encantaría saber
si ese momento ha pasado
y seguir adelante con mi vida


© 2017

L.O.V.E. Notes: Celebrate

It's so easy to be discouraged
you put so much pressure on yourself
that it's hard to celebrate even the smallest of victories
of course you tell yourself that you can handle it
but you find yourself overthinking
and over-analyzing your decision-making process
rather than trusting your own instincts
something you promised to do more of
there are those who root against you
as well as those who cheer you on
some have chosen to stay close
while others keep their distance
but none to them should be your focus
it's like you always say
everybody leaves at some point
so if all you're left with is your purpose
there's no time to be discouraged
you have to be encouraged
and defiant of all those who pose a distraction
let nothing stop you from claiming what is yours

<3

© 2017