Exhausting Haiku

It's hard to have a
heart to heart with someone who
forgets they have one.

© 2019

Pugilist

You've always been a fighter
but even fighters get tired
time and time again
you've proven to be a survivor
but I know the damage has 
taken its toll on you
you wear your scars like medals 
from battles you've lost
and wars you've won
but how do you expect the rest
of your wounds to heal if 
you keep beating yourself up
maybe you've become numb to it 
and don't realize what you're doing
but you're hurting yourself
more than anyone ever could
by becoming the abuser
you've become unrecognizable
not just to yourself
but also to others who remember
the person you were before
do you still remember that person
if you want to see that person again
stop beating yourself up
and give yourself more time to 
find the strength you had 
when you were fighting to survive
you've always been a fighter

© 2019

Abandoned

Do you think less of me

or blame me for not being around

when you needed me the most
I wouldn't blame you if you did

but please don't think that I loved you

any less than I do right now

I know I said I would protect you

would you believe me if I told you

I thought I did the right thing at the time

not knowing what would happen

and even though that was true
I was too caught up in my own grief
to feel that something wasn't right

I just wanted you to get the chance I never got

so I felt like I couldn't speak up 

and because of my silence 

I take responsibility for not protecting you

for the trauma you've experienced

and for you having to deal with the pain
the only way you know how
I should've been there for you
but I'm here for you now
so please don't think I abandoned you
it was a struggle not to abandon myself 

© 2019

Wildfire

It still bothers me to this day

even though I'd hoped it wouldn't

knowing how hard I fought

to get out of that hole I was in

after everything that happened

I wasn't where I wanted to be

but at least I was making strides 

how do you know if you're stronger

than you were before

you have to put yourself out there

and that's what I decided to do

I was so proud of myself for

stepping out of my comfort zone

with a renewed since of purpose

it just felt like the right time

but then something happened

and I was exposed as weak

I allowed the insecurities of others
coupled with my own self-doubt

to shake the very foundation

of everything I fought so hard for
it still bothers me to this day
wondering how I allowed
such a wildfire to be extinguished

maybe I was afraid it would
destroy everything in its path
but I was the only casualty 
now I fight to reignite what's left

© 2019

Frustration

I'm never one to question why
as I believe in the natural order of things
but I cannot deny my anger
nor can I hide the frustration I feel
knowing that while the universe
may favor a positive light
the masses rather have negativity 
at least that's how it looks to me
because every time someone
comes along to make a difference
they're taken away from us
just for being who they are
and right before reaching their apex
I know tomorrow isn't promised
but that doesn't make it right
that doesn't mean I should keep quiet
and accept things the way they are
like the fact that the more good you do
the more enemies you'll have
someone will always be there to be
the nightmare of every dream you'll have
I know it's something I can't control
so there's no point in asking questions
that I already know the answers to
even though I still have them
I just want to reach my apex
before my time here is up
that's all any of us should want to do

© 2019