Notas de Suicidio

Yo recuerdo la primera que escribi
me lloré todas las lágrimas 
pero después de terminar 
tenía tanto miedo de hacerlo
y demasiado avergonzado de hablar 
así que nunca se lo dije a nadie 

todavía tengo esos pensamientos

me consumen todos los días
cuando pienso en hacerme daño
o algo mucho más peor
también pienso en la gente 
que sienta lo mismo 
y cómo le puedo ayudar 
gracias a Dios por la poesía
como una vávula de escape
es una manera de expresar
lo que siento adentro
mientras hablar con los demás
si puedo ayudar al menos a una persona 
elija la vida en lugar de suicidio
me hace sentir vivo 
significa que mis palabras inspiran a
esa persona a seguir luchando 
y cuando hay personas que se sienten
tan perdidas como yo
me niego a dejarlas aquí solas
no más notas que causan dolor
sólo poemas que ayudan a curar

© 2019 

What It Means

I may not agree with your behavior
but I haven't begun to go through
everything you've had to endure
nothing could've prepared you
for what you've witnessed
God only knows what it did to you
and to make matters worse
your parents see you as a lost cause
with no hope of getting better
it's not like all the signs weren't there
they just chose to ignore them
abandoning you at your lowest
rather than accepting the responsibility 
of nurturing their own flesh & blood
maybe we all failed you in a way
neglecting what it means to be a family
what it means to be a human being
the fact that you still love your parents
after they proved themselves unworthy 
shows how much we can learn from you 
I may not agree with your behavior 
but I'm not proud of my own either
no one deserves to be left behind 
especially when there's trouble ahead 

© 2019

Listening

It's never been about religion
but I should've listened to God
and realized what was being said
I remember how it felt before
the universe would speak to me 
while its energy moved through me
that's how I discovered my purpose
I thought I was just being obedient 
but maybe I wasn't appreciative enough
did I take God's words for granted 
or was it the universe's energy I upset
it seems they're both one in the same
that explains the missed opportunities
being at the right place wrong time
and the series of unfortunate events
ultimately ending in utter failure
where did it all go wrong for me
maybe I should keep listening
because the universe still speaks
its energy still flows within me
and God still has a word to share
so maybe I'll just keep listening
while proving to myself
that I'm still worth getting the message

© 2019

L.O.V.E. Notes: Saboteur

I've spent more than half 
of my life trying to be liked
and the other half 
trying to be understood 
but that quest of validation
came with a heavy price
I hurt loved ones
friends became strangers 
and I began to fade away 
when you seek validation
it's because you believe that
you're not good enough
so you look to others 
hoping to be accepted 
without ever accepting yourself
no matter how you look at it
or try to rationalize it
that mindset will destroy you 
and then you'll disappear 
robbing yourself of potential
opportunities to be great 
that's not what you want 
because believe me 
I still can't seem to escape
the hell I've put myself through 
and it's hell to keep trying

<3

© 2019

Overnights

I'm not ashamed to admit
that I checked myself in
but I'm a little embarrassed 
to be here once again 
after I promised myself
I'd never come back
maybe I should stop making
promises I fail to keep
so here I am one more time
in worse shape than before
at least the room looks nicer
than I remembered
but I won't stay long
not that you haven't tried 
to get me to stay longer 
after each session we've had
overnights are long enough
I just don't want to make a 
habit out of coming here
every time things go left
part of recovery is 
learning how to recover
and if I can't do it on my own
what's the point in leaving

© 2019

Destruction

Destruction

filled with gray skies 
and the world's pity
rather than its empathy
no wonder they hate us
when we say things like
I can't possibly imagine
that's the problem
even if you've never seen
this level of devastation 
it's important to imagine
what it would be like
to see this up close
because some people 
don't have to imagine
its all they've ever known
take it from me 
when you look around
and see the wreckage
there are two options
but really only one choice
either do nothing
or help lift someone up
it's important to do that
so we can both rebuild 
together

© 2019