Just Asking II

I thought I was asking for too much before

so maybe I shouldn't ask for anything more

but I'm not asking for anything different

so what's the difference 

is it that now I finally see my chance 

perhaps an opportunity to advance

or is this just another smoke screen

designed to disguise the scene 

from what can only be seen with the naked eye

which once again leaves me asking why

and I ask that question a lot

because whenever I ask for a shot

I seem to take one to the chest

as soon as I take off that vest
that's been protecting me from getting hurt
now there's blood everywhere besides my shirt
I guess hate doesn't really care if love wins
as it still stands there in judgement of all our sins
maybe what I'm asking for is so small
that I shouldn't even be asking for it at all
I know another shot could be the death of me
but it's worth asking with whatever's left of me

© 2015

L.O.V.E. Notes: Waiting Room

It's like a 50/50 chance
the news could be good 
or it could be bad 
either way here I am 
waiting to hear something
then what
will I react
or will I respond
here's the real question
since I'm here waiting
what am I missing out on
another opportunity
the chance to make things right
I can settle for 50/50
or try for 100
it's a risk for sure
but it's a risk worth taking
at least I think so 
the odds will never be in my favor
so what am I waiting for 

<3

© 2015

The Relapse

Sometimes one second is all it takes 
for you to remember just one of your mistakes
and then all of the love you have in your heart
suddenly feels like it's being ripped apart 
maybe you didn't stay in rehab long enough
or maybe you just weren't strong enough
it's when you're most vulnerable that you'll find
so many thoughts weighting heavily on your mind
like why do those scars have to show
and why does everyone have to know
that you slipped back into your old ways
everybody reminisces back to the old days
it's not like you're looking to stay in the past
you were just looking for an exit fast
but if you were doing so well
why risk it all just to go back to hell
even for a little bit
not even for a little bit
if you choose to return to a life of pain
everything you've accomplished will be in vain 
now relapse is common with most addictions
so it's important for you to be strong in your convictions
if all it took was a second before 
then surely you can take a second more

© 2015

The Recovery

Nobody thought you could do it
but you knew you could do it
and that's really all that mattered
but when parts of your life shattered
you didn't know that each broken piece
was as strong as the next broken piece
you thought pain would fix everything
when really it didn't fix anything
but it's amazing how you've come so far
to now being the person that you truly are
so it's time for your new life to start
and now for the hard part
while you're trying to put everything behind you
there'll be people who'll always remind you
of the person you were in the past 
and how this will never last
but although you went through the worst 
once you decided to put yourself first 
nothing would stand in your way 
especially not on this day
because this is the day of your rebirth
what a feeling it must be to see your worth
and know that you deserve it all
it's like a falling star that didn't really fall

© 2015

The Rehab

Now that you know pain will swallow you whole 
take every ounce of joy from your soul
and will never really help you heal
maybe it's time for you to take back the wheel 
you can't undo everything that went wrong 
which is why the addiction was so strong
pain had many different side effects 
and that made it impossible to hide regrets
not to mention the temporary moments of regression 
which ultimately led to your depression
you realized a change had to be made
as you saw your light beginning to fade
pain would no longer be your drug of choice
not as long as you still had a choice
some people wait until it's too late
others rather leave it in the hands of fate
but you gave yourself another shot 
instead of giving yourself another shot
even though there was hesitation on your part 
that's always the case when it comes to trusting your heart
now it doesn't matter whether or not someone understands
what matters now is that your life's in your hands
but that's sort of how it's always been 
you just didn't care enough to see that back then

© 2015

The Addiction

Maybe it's true what they say
we're all addicted to something that takes the pain away
but what if what we're addicted to is pain
that means one hit could drive us insane 
and make us crazy for wanting love
instead of being crazy in love 
which isn't so bad when you think about it
but the problem is when you think about it
that's when you start using 
and life gets so confusing 
because the meaning isn't clear to you 
so you don't know exactly what you're here to do
or exactly how you should deal 
all you know is how you feel 
pain becomes your favorite pleasure
more valuable than any treasure
and as for that love you once adored 
it becomes a luxury you can no longer afford
you wanted something to take the pain away
but it's pain that takes everything away
and makes you believe you're less deserving
that must be so unnerving
but this is what pain does 
it lets you regret everything that ever was

© 2015