Him

He wanted to get rid of me

but his mother didn't like that

my second grandmother 

what a woman she was

she knew I would be different

than what became of him

watching his own father cheat on her

and being the head of a church 

didn't help matters any I'm sure

but he still could've been better

than what he was

I just wish I never met him

for the days I cried waiting for him

maybe that was foolish of me

not only did I learn how bad

of a father he truly was 

but also how he treated the

women in his life physically 

as well as mentally 

the life of a narcissist 

seeing that was enough to know 

I didn't want to be like him

his absence did leave a void 

but the women who raised me 

filled that void by teaching me 

how to treat others

I've done everything I can

to not be like him

we share more than a name

but we're built differently

the kid in me still cries at times

he just doesn't cry for him 

© 2020

Being Honest

It's unavoidable

at some point in time

you have to stop running

and start being honest

that mirror will be there

waiting for you 

as you can see 

I was too embarrassed

and too disappointed 

in myself to even look

but I did look eventually

stop feeling sorry for yourself

and start being honest

is what I kept thinking

so I was honest with myself

fourteen anxiety attacks a week

isn't how I want to be defined

or how I want to live my life

I don't want to think

of myself as a failure anymore

I just want to feel worthy

and the hardest truth of all

I'm not as amazing a person

as I was in the past 

once I heard myself say that

the look on my face

spoke volumes 

what a sad truth

but the truth nonetheless

one that I needed to hear

and in order to keep growing

it's unavoidable 

© 2020

L.O.V.E. Notes: 31

Maybe she thinks

I don't love her anymore

or that I don't care

that's not true at all 

even though we don't

have the same relationship

we once had 

she's still my sister 

and I love her very much

I think about everything 

that's happened 

so many emotions 

but what matters most

is that she is here today

still fighting 

figuring out her life

and what's best for her kids

those ladybugs

who I miss very much

according to her 

she kept me at a distance

in order to stay in her life

that hurt me at the time 

but I understand now

I'm still here 

maybe she thinks I'm gone 

I'm where she left me

but I'm cheering her on

screaming happy birthday

to my beautiful sister 

superwoman 

love Tico

<3

© 2020 

 

L.O.V.E. Notes: Today

Look at this picture

I could've chosen 

any picture 

but this one 

much like today 

is special 

she's special 

that's her natural glow

by the way

it's not the Sun shining 

or any photo filters

that's all her

and if it weren't for today

she never would've 

discovered it

and we never would've

gotten the chance

to experience it

color can sometimes be

distracting

even blinding

but this is different

the energy is different

it deserves to be 

appreciated

celebrated 

respected

and loved

every single day 

but this day

much like this picture 

is special

for if it weren't for today

we would never know

just how amazing 

her amazing looks

or how it feels

to be in her light

<3

© 2020