L.O.V.E. Notes: Train Station

I'm thinking about it
but I have been for a while now
that's why I still sit here
waiting to see what I'll do
if it ever passes by
and stops in front of me
they've passed by before
but they've never stopped 
not for me anyway
maybe I didn't want them to 
or maybe they did stop 
and I just wasn't ready 
to leave everything behind
in favor of the unknown
maybe I didn't want it to seem
like I would be running away
even though I would like to
if I'm being honest with myself
but the question is
will I have the guts to leave 
I'm thinking about it
but I have been for a while now
that's why I still sit here
waiting to see what I'll do

<3

© 2019

Rage

Being angry is so exhausting

I consider it a detriment 

to one's development 

but this is more than anger

it feels more like a rage

that has been living inside me

for quite some time now

I've done the best I can do

to try not to project that rage

onto anyone I interact with

but I've got to be honest

it's becoming more difficult
than I could've ever imagined

letting it go is the only option 

and I really really want to
but that's also difficult to do
especially when I think about 
what has me so enraged 
I could put the blame on others
or accept the responsibility
for everything that has happened 
just look at what I've become 
such a disappointment 
I'm so exhausted 
and unsure how much I have left
but I won't let rage be the pen
that writes the rest of my story
I won't let it end like this 

© 2019

Smile

Some people think it's easy to smile
but why do they think it would be easy
is it because you're so young 
so life couldn't be that hard for you
or is it because you have your
whole life ahead of you
and there's no real reason to be sad
what's sad is always having to hear
someone try to minimize
what you're feeling inside
it's demoralizing to say the very least
that's what makes reaching out
so difficult to do at first 
because not everyone reaches out
for fear of being judged 
just as you were once judged
some people may still be judging you
but they don't really know 
how difficult it is for you to smile 
to hope against hope
and somehow find the strength
to communicate with the brain
something other than helplessness 
people will think whatever they want 
what matters is trying to get better 
and smiling more than ever before 
but if they think it's truly that easy
you're not the only one who's dreaming

© 2019

Dear Life

I'm sorry that I never 
thought you were worth it 
I just didn't understand 
why you were here
or what you were trying to do 
that's why I tried to kill you 
more than a handful of times
but I couldn't do it 
so I asked for help 
and one lighting strike later
it was finally over
until you came back 
that's when I knew
you had a purpose
some reason for being here 
and I had no choice 
but to embrace you 
while I figured out what it was
you forgave me
before I could forgive myself
that's why I'm here today
so it looks like I owe you one 
and I'll pay you back 
by taking better care of you 

© 2019