Weary

From the time I fall asleep

to when I wake up each morning

all I can think about is one thing

how do I become a better person

not just for my own self-care

but to better help everyone else
and people don't understand why
why does it matter so much 
helping people who need it
whether I know them or not 
because I believe in my purpose
and I know what it's like still
never feeling good enough 
that's why it hurts so much
when I'm unable to do more
or what I feel I'm capable of doing
I've let so many people down
that I'm in my own head constantly 
and I still wonder if a certain 
someone thinks I've abandoned her
having these thoughts every day
make it impossible to sleep in
that's if I get any sleep at all 
you can even see it on my face
although my eyes are closed
there's no rest for the weary
people still don't understand why 
but this is who I've always been
and when my time is finally up
only then will I be able to rest 

© 2020