Make The World

How does she make the world better 
by waking up every single day
knowing that she has a chance to be
everything she's ever dreamed of being
not just to prove it to herself
but to show her kids that it's possible
she knows how hard it can be 
and how hard you have to work 
especially when there are those
who don't want her to succeed 
she has every right to show them
the same ugliness they've shown her
but she just smiles instead
killing them with kindness at every turn
she understands that
it's impossible to make the world better
when you let it bring out the worst in you
so she'll always give her best effort
and that's what makes her so special
that's what makes her story
one worth cheering for
making the world better 
starts with just being a better person
than you were the day before
she's what this world needs
even if it doesn't deserve her

© 2019

How Am I

So how am I doing

does it really matter 

whenever someone asks me

I'm unsure of what to say

maybe I'm just tired of knowing

that I should be doing better

but now is not the time for pity

feeling sorry for myself

won't make things better

people are counting on me

even though there were those

who believed I abandoned them
and those who thought I died
maybe I did die for a little bit
I was just trying to save myself

but now everything triggers me

to the point where I'm even

ashamed of my own light
I refuse to look in the mirror

disgusted by my own reflection
but in spite of all of this
people are counting on me
so how am I doing 
does it really matter
it definitely matters 
because I need to be okay
not just for those who are not
but also for myself

© 2019

Notas de Suicidio

Yo recuerdo la primera que escribi
me lloré todas las lágrimas 
pero después de terminar 
tenía tanto miedo de hacerlo
y demasiado avergonzado de hablar 
así que nunca se lo dije a nadie 

todavía tengo esos pensamientos

me consumen todos los días
cuando pienso en hacerme daño
o algo mucho más peor
también pienso en la gente 
que sienta lo mismo 
y cómo le puedo ayudar 
gracias a Dios por la poesía
como una vávula de escape
es una manera de expresar
lo que siento adentro
mientras hablar con los demás
si puedo ayudar al menos a una persona 
elija la vida en lugar de suicidio
me hace sentir vivo 
significa que mis palabras inspiran a
esa persona a seguir luchando 
y cuando hay personas que se sienten
tan perdidas como yo
me niego a dejarlas aquí solas
no más notas que causan dolor
sólo poemas que ayudan a curar

© 2019 

What It Means

I may not agree with your behavior
but I haven't begun to go through
everything you've had to endure
nothing could've prepared you
for what you've witnessed
God only knows what it did to you
and to make matters worse
your parents see you as a lost cause
with no hope of getting better
it's not like all the signs weren't there
they just chose to ignore them
abandoning you at your lowest
rather than accepting the responsibility 
of nurturing their own flesh & blood
maybe we all failed you in a way
neglecting what it means to be a family
what it means to be a human being
the fact that you still love your parents
after they proved themselves unworthy 
shows how much we can learn from you 
I may not agree with your behavior 
but I'm not proud of my own either
no one deserves to be left behind 
especially when there's trouble ahead 

© 2019

Listening

It's never been about religion
but I should've listened to God
and realized what was being said
I remember how it felt before
the universe would speak to me 
while its energy moved through me
that's how I discovered my purpose
I thought I was just being obedient 
but maybe I wasn't appreciative enough
did I take God's words for granted 
or was it the universe's energy I upset
it seems they're both one in the same
that explains the missed opportunities
being at the right place wrong time
and the series of unfortunate events
ultimately ending in utter failure
where did it all go wrong for me
maybe I should keep listening
because the universe still speaks
its energy still flows within me
and God still has a word to share
so maybe I'll just keep listening
while proving to myself
that I'm still worth getting the message

© 2019

L.O.V.E. Notes: Saboteur

I've spent more than half 
of my life trying to be liked
and the other half 
trying to be understood 
but that quest of validation
came with a heavy price
I hurt loved ones
friends became strangers 
and I began to fade away 
when you seek validation
it's because you believe that
you're not good enough
so you look to others 
hoping to be accepted 
without ever accepting yourself
no matter how you look at it
or try to rationalize it
that mindset will destroy you 
and then you'll disappear 
robbing yourself of potential
opportunities to be great 
that's not what you want 
because believe me 
I still can't seem to escape
the hell I've put myself through 
and it's hell to keep trying

<3

© 2019

Overnights

I'm not ashamed to admit
that I checked myself in
but I'm a little embarrassed 
to be here once again 
after I promised myself
I'd never come back
maybe I should stop making
promises I fail to keep
so here I am one more time
in worse shape than before
at least the room looks nicer
than I remembered
but I won't stay long
not that you haven't tried 
to get me to stay longer 
after each session we've had
overnights are long enough
I just don't want to make a 
habit out of coming here
every time things go left
part of recovery is 
learning how to recover
and if I can't do it on my own
what's the point in leaving

© 2019