How Am I

So how am I doing

does it really matter 

whenever someone asks me

I'm unsure of what to say

maybe I'm just tired of knowing

that I should be doing better

but now is not the time for pity

feeling sorry for myself

won't make things better

people are counting on me

even though there were those

who believed I abandoned them
and those who thought I died
maybe I did die for a little bit
I was just trying to save myself

but now everything triggers me

to the point where I'm even

ashamed of my own light
I refuse to look in the mirror

disgusted by my own reflection
but in spite of all of this
people are counting on me
so how am I doing 
does it really matter
it definitely matters 
because I need to be okay
not just for those who are not
but also for myself

© 2019