L.O.V.E. Notes: Self-Care

If you woke up 

hoping to make 

someone smile

look in the mirror

there's a smile

waiting for you

<3

© 2021

Honest Pride

For a short while

I lived among you

things happened

pride refused help

not that many offered

to help anyway 

you tell yourself

it's only temporary

and for me it was

but temporary

felt like an eternity

whether is was a car

an abandoned house

or the streets

I've been there

and the same pride

that refused help

became an ally

a very dangerous ally

one that recognized

how strong 

I needed to be

but circumstances 

differ for everyone

it's not only addiction

and mental health

other reasons exist

not everyone survives 

certainly not

without help

pride will tell you that

if it's truly an ally

© 2021

Bury Them II

Ever since I told myself 

to bury those thoughts

more thoughts have surfaced

I knew it wouldn't be easy

but you knew that too

sometimes it's easy to forget

that I'm not the only one

going through this 

I can only imagine 

the damage your thoughts

have caused you 

over the years

your mind is a cemetery

just like mine

maybe you haven't been able 

to put those thoughts down

in the ground either

and cover them with dirt

maybe you're just there 

laying motionless 

paralyzed from all the hurt

but remember this 

if you've been down before

then you know a thing or two

about getting back up

not all nightmares are the same

but I doubt either of us 

wish to keep reliving them 

so any thoughts you may have

bury them too

and rise from that grave

you dug for yourself

© 2021

Ya No

Cuando miro al cielo
la luna brilla
pero no estoy seguro
si brilla para mi 
no como antes
la energía es diferente

ya no me siento digno

me siento como una sombra

en presencia de la luz

solía estar entre las estrellas

qué pasó
tal vez el universo
ha perdido la fe en mi
después de todos estos años

quizás estaba equivocado

y ya no soy su favorito

he visto lo que traen 

las nubes oscuras 

he sobrevivido a sus tormentas

cada gota de lluvia

era un recuerdo de mi pasado

tantas lágrimas

casi me ahogo 

pero ya no lloro

no como antes

si la luna no me brilla

puedo esperar hasta mañana

cuando sale el sol

© 2021

Narrative

I was so terrified of you

when we first met

but I couldn't look away

you had my attention

I never knew someone 

like you even existed

but there you were

I learned very quickly  

that when you speak

people listen 

you don't care if 

anyone has anything

negative to say about you

because they wouldn't dare

say it to you directly

knowing what would happen

but it doesn't matter

you trust very few people

for that very reason 

and I don't know

how I became trustworthy

but I'm grateful for you

even though there are days

when you hate it here

I love you for every single 

one of those days 

that you keep fighting 

it's okay to feel weak at times

but here you are 

still writing your story

and I'm here for it all 

not just a couple of pages

© 2021

 

Gratitude

I remember being mocked

for trying to rebuild 

being made to feel bad

for trying to heal

only to end up feeling worse

than when I started 

running on autopilot 

ignoring the pain

how naïve I was to think 

that I was actually okay

but I never healed 

when my brother was killed

the only thing I built 

were walls to keep me away

from anyone claiming 

to be friends

or offering friendship

I didn't trust a soul

and I could no longer ignore 

everything I was feeling

that feels like a lifetime ago 

but sometimes I wonder 

if I'm still on autopilot 

never having fully healed 

watching every opportunity

slip away faster than the next

that feeling of failure

I do remember being mocked

but now there's no one around

except the ones who 

still believe in me

thank you for that

© 2021

I Would Say To Myself

Stay strong

love always

be your own hero

have the courage 

of your convictions

but know that you can

only help someone 

save themselves

purpose has a price

one you may be unable to pay

until you're ready

that's if you're ever ready

it's okay to need more time

and for once in your life

know that you are worthy

don't let anyone 

make you feel otherwise

people change every day 

that doesn't mean they grow

so when they change

make sure you grow

and keep going

it doesn't matter 

how many ghosted you 

or who wasn't there 

focus on the now 

whether you have friends 

and still feel alone 

or you're on your own

you still have you

that will be enough

because it has to be 

© 2021