for trying to rebuild
being made to feel bad
for trying to heal
only to end up feeling worse
than when I started
running on autopilot
ignoring the pain
how naïve I was to think
that I was actually okay
but I never healed
when my brother was killed
the only thing I built
were walls to keep me away
from anyone claiming
to be friends
or offering friendship
I didn't trust a soul
and I could no longer ignore
everything I was feeling
that feels like a lifetime ago
but sometimes I wonder
if I'm still on autopilot
never having fully healed
watching every opportunity
slip away faster than the next
that feeling of failure
I do remember being mocked
but now there's no one around
except the ones who
still believe in me
thank you for that
© 2021
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