Gratitude

I remember being mocked

for trying to rebuild 

being made to feel bad

for trying to heal

only to end up feeling worse

than when I started 

running on autopilot 

ignoring the pain

how naïve I was to think 

that I was actually okay

but I never healed 

when my brother was killed

the only thing I built 

were walls to keep me away

from anyone claiming 

to be friends

or offering friendship

I didn't trust a soul

and I could no longer ignore 

everything I was feeling

that feels like a lifetime ago 

but sometimes I wonder 

if I'm still on autopilot 

never having fully healed 

watching every opportunity

slip away faster than the next

that feeling of failure

I do remember being mocked

but now there's no one around

except the ones who 

still believe in me

thank you for that

© 2021

I Would Say To Myself

Stay strong

love always

be your own hero

have the courage 

of your convictions

but know that you can

only help someone 

save themselves

purpose has a price

one you may be unable to pay

until you're ready

that's if you're ever ready

it's okay to need more time

and for once in your life

know that you are worthy

don't let anyone 

make you feel otherwise

people change every day 

that doesn't mean they grow

so when they change

make sure you grow

and keep going

it doesn't matter 

how many ghosted you 

or who wasn't there 

focus on the now 

whether you have friends 

and still feel alone 

or you're on your own

you still have you

that will be enough

because it has to be 

© 2021

Reasons

Let's be honest

everyone's done it

I know I have 

both regrettably

and unapologetically      

so when it happens to me

no matter how much it hurts

I must not interfere

because I understand

that people have to do

what they feel is necessary 

for them to reach their goals

even if that means 

sacrificing a friendship

or distancing yourself

from those who you feel

do more harm than good

imagine someone like me

who loves helping others

being ghosted for reasons

I'll never even know

maybe I did something

didn't do something

or maybe it was just Karma

whatever the reasons are

I know time is limited

and it waits for no one

so just be ready to move on

no matter how much it hurts

because someone can

move on from you

let's be honest

everyone's done it

I know I have

© 2021

That's Why

He remembers her 

and that's why she's changed

from the way she styles her hair 

to the way she wears her smile 

nothing about her is the same 

except for the fact that 

she's a woman of many talents 

but she refuses to waste them

or her time ever again 

especially on someone like him

he's not the only one who remembers 

she remembers too

and that's why she's changed

the woman she was 

isn't the woman she wanted to be

at least not completely

but he'll never meet 

the woman she'll become

unless he becomes something else 

something greater

because she hasn't forgotten 

how she was treated 

when she felt like dying

and that's why she's changed 

not everyone feels

as amazing as they are

but she's working on

knowing that she is that amazing 

so he can have his memories

of how she used to be 

but letting the past die

is how she lives for today

© 2021

Part II

It's not easy though

being the face of a revolution

the things I see

on a daily basis

make me question

if this world is worth saving

and if I can help save it

from those who

look like me 

but look to destroy

rather than help rebuild

how long do I keep fighting

there's just so much stupidity 

so much willful ignorance 

maybe I should just

stay focused on 

my own personal growth 

in hopes of inspiring 

others to do the same

at least then it would

feel like there's hope

I shouldn't have expectations 

they only mean to disappoint

and I've been disappointed before

probably will be again

is that reason enough to quit

not after all I've been through

but I have those moments

when I look to the sky

hoping the energy of 

the universe still favors me

I really do hope so

because I need that 

more than ever

it's exhausting down here

humanity is exhausting

© 2021

Unscripted

I used to care what

you thought of me 

when you saw my scars

the look of disgust

spoke volumes

and I would look at you

unbothered 

now you only see my face

but the look is still there

either you don't care enough

to take the time to know

or it's just easier to assume

so it doesn't really matter

I still stand here

unapologetic 

but I get it now

you're so fixated on my face

that you have no idea 

what you're looking at 

people have been trying 

to figure me out for years

some have tried to silence me

for speaking on injustices 

others only mention

to appear interested

but here I am 

unafraid

fighting for peace

while refusing to keep quiet

and since you're still so 

fixated on my face 

let me introduce you to

the face of a revolution

unyielding 

and I still don't care

what you think of me 

© 2021

Cost of Living

I had to die

but not on the inside

at least not completely 

that was my biggest fear

after everything

dying completely 

without knowing 

if I could feel 

the way I once felt

but now I know

I accept it 

forever grateful 

just for the opportunity

to feel something real 

not everyone can say that

but what's next 

there's no rebuilding 

no second chances 

for the third time 

my happiness lies in 

helping others feel

I just hope they don't make 

the same mistakes I did 

maybe this is why 

a part of us has to die 

so that we discover 

who we're truly meant to be 

but all I found was  

a pain that I wouldn't 

wish on anyone 

I guess it's the price I paid 

for expensive taste 

© 2021