Traveler

I don't owe you an explanation

because I know for a fact 

you'll see me walking

take a look at how I'm dressed 

and assume the worst

most of you already have

for those of you who haven't

we're cut from the same cloth

you've been on that path before 

criticized every step of the way 

for looking how you look

or for just being who you are 

so why would I tell them anything 

when they treat me the same way 

don't worry about how I look 

and don't ask me where I'm going 

the reward is in the journey 

not in the destination 
it's the person I'll become 
that matters most to me
so I don't owe you an explanation 
but even if part of my story 
will be written with the heels 
from my stilettos

your eyes will still be on me
watching my every move

© 2019

L.O.V.E. Notes: Villain II

You'll always be someone's villain 
I wrote that in a poem a year ago
and it still rings true to this day
I just didn't know how true it was
but it's easy to forget that while
you're writing your own story 
someone else has their own version
and with their perception of you
that narrative becomes their reality
but I'm not just someone's villain
I'm also someone's hero
even though I never asked to be
I said there were no more heroes 
but I guess I was wrong about that
I didn't want to be either one
so I shied away from both
that's why I pray sometimes
in hopes that who I am is enough
maybe I should've embraced it
because you can't control 
what people choose to believe
their minds are made up already
don't worry about if you're the villain 
and don't worry about being a hero
just embrace being who you are
that's the only narrative that matters

<3

© 2019

Dust

I don't want the dust to settle
because when it does
I know I'll be the only one here
much like I am right now
I'd much rather remain hidden
from the rest of the world
that wasn't always the case
as I wanted nothing more 
than for someone to see me
for the person I truly am
but things are different now
when the dust settles 
I don't know the condition I'll be in
with everything I've been through
everything I've done to survive
part of me still cares 
how I look to a world 
that rejected me
while continuing to ignore others
so let the wind keep blowing
I don't mind it so much anymore 
camouflage my shame
protect me from anyone who 
wishes to do me harm
or me from harming anyone else
I don't want the dust to settle
the dust is my disguise 
at least until the war is over 

© 2019

L.O.V.E. Notes: Train Station

I'm thinking about it
but I have been for a while now
that's why I still sit here
waiting to see what I'll do
if it ever passes by
and stops in front of me
they've passed by before
but they've never stopped 
not for me anyway
maybe I didn't want them to 
or maybe they did stop 
and I just wasn't ready 
to leave everything behind
in favor of the unknown
maybe I didn't want it to seem
like I would be running away
even though I would like to
if I'm being honest with myself
but the question is
will I have the guts to leave 
I'm thinking about it
but I have been for a while now
that's why I still sit here
waiting to see what I'll do

<3

© 2019

Rage

Being angry is so exhausting

I consider it a detriment 

to one's development 

but this is more than anger

it feels more like a rage

that has been living inside me

for quite some time now

I've done the best I can do

to try not to project that rage

onto anyone I interact with

but I've got to be honest

it's becoming more difficult
than I could've ever imagined

letting it go is the only option 

and I really really want to
but that's also difficult to do
especially when I think about 
what has me so enraged 
I could put the blame on others
or accept the responsibility
for everything that has happened 
just look at what I've become 
such a disappointment 
I'm so exhausted 
and unsure how much I have left
but I won't let rage be the pen
that writes the rest of my story
I won't let it end like this 

© 2019

Smile

Some people think it's easy to smile
but why do they think it would be easy
is it because you're so young 
so life couldn't be that hard for you
or is it because you have your
whole life ahead of you
and there's no real reason to be sad
what's sad is always having to hear
someone try to minimize
what you're feeling inside
it's demoralizing to say the very least
that's what makes reaching out
so difficult to do at first 
because not everyone reaches out
for fear of being judged 
just as you were once judged
some people may still be judging you
but they don't really know 
how difficult it is for you to smile 
to hope against hope
and somehow find the strength
to communicate with the brain
something other than helplessness 
people will think whatever they want 
what matters is trying to get better 
and smiling more than ever before 
but if they think it's truly that easy
you're not the only one who's dreaming

© 2019

Dear Life

I'm sorry that I never 
thought you were worth it 
I just didn't understand 
why you were here
or what you were trying to do 
that's why I tried to kill you 
more than a handful of times
but I couldn't do it 
so I asked for help 
and one lighting strike later
it was finally over
until you came back 
that's when I knew
you had a purpose
some reason for being here 
and I had no choice 
but to embrace you 
while I figured out what it was
you forgave me
before I could forgive myself
that's why I'm here today
so it looks like I owe you one 
and I'll pay you back 
by taking better care of you 

© 2019