Chosen

I gave everything

to be one of the chosen

maybe that's why 

sometimes I feel like

I've got nothing left

but what if I didn't 

give it everything I had

that would bother me

reliving each failure 

wondering what else

I could've done

knowing that I wasn't 

the best version of myself

I tried to improve

hoping for another chance

only to see those chances

go to the chosen 

what I wouldn't give

to be one of the chosen

now I'm trying to figure out

if I've learned my lesson

best version 

worst version 

does it really matter

maybe all I have to do

is what I should've done

from the start

choose myself

and see what happens

nothing's guaranteed

but if I choose myself

I'll always be one of one

© 2021

L.O.V.E. Notes: Meteor

Lost in space

feeling out of place

how's that possible

when you're a star

maybe you don't 

feel like yourself

like you don't shine as 

bright as the rest of them

competing for light

doesn't seem right

so you'd rather fall

than compete at all

and that troubles you

but the scariest part 

is not knowing 

where you'll land

or if you'll be able

to find your way

one day

<3

© 2021

But Now

My mind

once balanced

disciplined 

free

but now

tired

helpless 

disjointed

what happened 

everything 

nothing

I failed 

miserably

like always

I'm disappointed

heartbroken 

fed up

one question

why not me

same answer

no answer

my mind

once balanced

disciplined

free

but now 

defeated

lifeless

numb

is this it

the end

let's hope not

© 2021

Onlooker

Imagine Life

like a parade

watching people

you've never met

hoping one day

maybe you would

only to have them 

pass you by 

now imagine

the very same thing

only difference is

you know everyone

who passes by

and they know you

but there you are

praying to God

they've forgotten 

who you were

so that when

or if you ever

see each other again

it'll be like meeting

for the first time

because the last time

was the last time

how sad is that

apparently

not as sad as

believing you're

undeserving of

ever meeting 

someone new

© 2021

L.O.V.E. Notes: Self-Harm

If you say 

hurtful things

about yourself

be careful

once you believe

in what's been said

everyone else

will have no choice 

but to take you

at your word

<3

© 2021

L.O.V.E. Notes: Self-Care

If you woke up 

hoping to make 

someone smile

look in the mirror

there's a smile

waiting for you

<3

© 2021

Honest Pride

For a short while

I lived among you

things happened

pride refused help

not that many offered

to help anyway 

you tell yourself

it's only temporary

and for me it was

but temporary

felt like an eternity

whether is was a car

an abandoned house

or the streets

I've been there

and the same pride

that refused help

became an ally

a very dangerous ally

one that recognized

how strong 

I needed to be

but circumstances 

differ for everyone

it's not only addiction

and mental health

other reasons exist

not everyone survives 

certainly not

without help

pride will tell you that

if it's truly an ally

© 2021