L.O.V.E Notes: Hana

She sits there 

attentive 

calm

unbothered 

that's how it 

appears 

but internally 

she struggles 

remembering 

every negative 

word said

the hate 

unwarranted 

the bullying 

undeserving 

the end result 

unnecessary

tragic 

she suffered 

in solitude 

but in public 

attentive 

calm 

unbothered

now she's gone

and that 

bothers me

</3

© 2020 

Skin Deep

Don't get the wrong idea
thinking you know what motivates me

or what I had to go through
just for the opportunity to get better
some days I didn't think I had it in me
motivation can take you very far
but not far enough without a plan
and if your plan is to only look good
you'll only look good until you don't
how do you know I'm now freaking out
or if I'd just put on makeup
to hide the fact that I've been crying
because I've had those moments
we've all had those moments
it's self-discipline that helps me
keep those moments in check
especially when I feel like

my progress isn't where it should be
self-discipline can take you very far
but not for enough without a plan
you can always find something wrong
looking in the mirror
which means it's easy to feel
discouraged not meeting expectations
are your expectations realistic
because I can't tell you how many times
I set myself up for failure
knowing that I'm not a failure
none of this works without a plan
one that holds you accountable
it won't always be a pretty picture
so sustainability is key

© 2020

Thirty 9

When I was a kid

I was never asked

what I wanted to be

no one ever took the time

to find out my interests

or teach me a skill

that I could use later in Life

no one ever read to me

or helped me to read

maybe that's why 

reading comprehension 

scores were so low

I liked basketball

abuelito taught me the basics

but I only tried to play 

so that hopefully my 

real dad cared enough

to come around 

maybe that's why 

I didn't make the team

nor did it make his team

little did that I know

I was a talented artist

with dreams of being 

a muralist like Rivera

mom wasn't a big fan though

so I got a psych degree

and a Spanish degree

with a certification

in massage therapy

maybe that's why

I never knew who to be

but I know who I am now

I'm still that same artist

just one who helps others

no matter the damage
caused by the storm

maybe that's why

I smile when I see lightning

© 2020

Anonymity

No one who ever know 
the ways I've helped others
over the course of my life
at least not from me
I'll never speak a word of it
recognition isn't something 
that I'm looking for 
and having an ego never 
helped me get very far
poems have been published 
words have been used as lyrics 
even some of your favorite 
quotes were written by me 
and are still shared online today
under dozens of pseudonyms
but you'll never know which ones
as it's not about being famous
I can't be the only one
who does these things in secret
maybe more people should
because some of us can't wait to 
tell people who we've helped
how much we've done
or 'I bet you didn't know 
I was responsible for' x y z
but that's not who I am
even when coming clean
meant having less drama 
with regards to my relationships
I still remained silent
took all the criticism 
all the accusations of mistrust 
the attacks on my character
everything thrown my way
because it mattered that much
not all wounds are visible
and no one will ever know
how many scars you have anyway
so it's just better to be yourself

© 2020